What's Chinese for Alcoholic Water?

Why that would be Tsingtao of course! I not so recently was able to partake of this beverage from the Orient and let me tell you, it's but a few small points above swill! I mean, to say this had a horrendous taste would be wrong. It has no taste whatsoever! It's like liquid celery or something. The Tsingtao Brewery was established in China, by German settlers. Now, I'd be willing to wager that these krauts were blitzkrieged out of Germany with barely a guttentag to send them on their way, for tainting the storied German beer tradition. Of course there German beer curse lives on today in the form of Heineken, but that's neither here nor there. Now as I ventured deeper into the majestic Tsingtao brewing tradition I did find an answer as to why this beer was about as flavor packed as, well, something that has very little, to no, flavor whatsoever. You see, over a quarter of Tsingtao Brewery is owned by the one and only Anheuser-Busch. Yes folks, that's right! The same Anheuser-Busch responsible for Busch, Busch Light, Budweiser, Bud Light, Bud Dry, lupus, and Bud Ice. Okay, okay, so there's no "factual" or "scientific" evidence linking them to lupus, but it's only a matter of time, really. Anyways, they have given the folks over at Tsingtao the recipe for mediocrity, and that's the truth. So on my scale of "swill to liquid awesome", Tsingtao rates a "drinkable if forced or if stranded in the Republic of China". Bottoms up!