Brewpoint with Willie Moe

Its time for another edition of Brewpoint with Willie Moe! Yes folks its time for Willie Moe to dole out his opinions on something in the world of beer. Mmmmm, world of beer, aaaaaaggghh! In this edition we go into the seedy underbelly of Bud, dum, dum, dum, dah. But more specifically Bud Light and their "Drinkability" campaign.

It probably comes as no surprise that there is not one Beerjangler' who is an avid drinker of Bud or Bud Light. Yes, even Dunford, the self proclaimed huguenot (whatever that means), parted ways with the self proclaimed "King of Beers" after he could no longer readily find BudDry, the only beer to this day that matches his unique wit and style. Is it because we are, what the world outside Brewtopia commonly refers to as "Beer Snobs"? Well, maybe partially. But I can guarantee that every single Beerjangler' has, in the last year, partook of a Pabst Blue Ribbon (and we were drinkning it long before it was trendy), or a Strohs, or a Gennessee Cream Ale, or a Schaeffer's, or any number of other comparable beers. Well, alright, I realize there is nothing comparable to a sweet, sweet PBR, but you get the point. If you ever see us voluntarily forcing down one of Heir Wieser's mainstays, it's probably a good day for curling in "h-e-double hockey sticks", if you catch my draught. If you don't, it means Hell froze over, because us drinking Bud by choice is that far fetched. So, needless to say, we do not like Budweiser, as opposed to Bud Wiser, whom we love. But if there's one thing, and there probably is only one thing, I could always count on from the Bud Empire, was clever and funny commercials.

This makes sense because they certainly aren't putting all those thousands of dollars they make into making a better beer. From Spuds Mackenzie to the WAZZZZZZUP?! Guys to the Tree Frogs to any number of hilarious ads they have produced over the years, Bud has been the King of Advertising. Which is why I have been so distraught lately. These Drinkability ads are about as good as the product they are selling, which is to say they are not. The premise of these ads is to say that Bud Light has what all those other light beers are missing. Yep, you guessed it, "drinkability". "Drinkability"?! Are you effin kidding me?! There point is that all light beers are not the same, which is, I guess slightly true, but are they trying to imply that Bud Light goes down easier than say, Coors Light? Because I'm pretty sure that is untrue. What they are equating "drinkability" to is how easy it goes down by more or less saying beer is only drinkable if it goes down like water. Which may be true for Joe Nascar Fan, but not for this guy! This guys wants something called "flavorability"! Yes, the ability to have flavor in my mouth, whilst getting drunk. I know it's an "out there" concept, but it could just catch on! But the Budheads idea of "drinkability" is not even the thing making me the most mad! No, it isn't! Keep reading.

You see in these ads, someone will ask for any light beer because, "they all taste the same." This then cues the random dude who has the Zack Morris ability of freezing time to go over the inaccuracy of this statement. Now if this were actually Zack Morris, that would be funny! But I digress. Joe or Josephine Time Freezer proceeds to move through the backyard barbecue, asking us if eating ground beef is the same as eating beef off the ground, or if drinking regular water is the same as drinking birdbath water, or eating a carrot stick is the same as eating a stick, stick. My first question is how do these people get the ability to freeze time, when they clearly didn't even have the ability to do well on the analogy portion of their SATs? Even Zack Morris got a 1502 on his SATs. Okay, I suppose freezing time would be more indicative of their math portion, not their verbal, but anyways. The fact remains that not one of these comparisons is relevant or funny. I mean basically the comparisons would be more like Light Beer in a can is not like licking light beer off the ground. Maybe if they were like, "is eating a hamburger from McDonald's the same as a eating hamburger from Ruby Tuesday's? Is taking a dump at home the same as taking a dump at a gas station? Is poking a bear behind bars at the zoo, the same as poking a bear out in the woods, unprotected?" I don't know if they mean for these to be ironical or something, but what I do know is they do not make me laugh and that is about all I have ever got from the King of Beers. The commercial where there's a creepy hitchhiker with an axe and a twelver of Bud Light, and the guy in the car dismisses his lady friend's comment about not picking him up because he has an axe, with, '"but he's got Bud Light."? That's funny! But it even gets funnier than that. When asked what the axe is for, the stranger's reply is, "To open the Bud Light?" Come on?! You kidding me? I'm giggling just thinking about it! So please Anheuser-Busch, I implore you, stick to what you know, making crappy beer and funny commercials. It's all I ask. And this has been Willie Moe's Brewpoint!

WHAT'S BRAZILIAN FOR ALCOHOLIC WATER?

If you guessed Brahma, you'd be correct! That's right folks, I decided to grab the bull by the horns, not literally of course, and take in this Brazilian concoction. Now I know many Bud drinkers right now are wondering where they've heard that name before. No, not concoction, InBev. Well InBev, in your mind, added Budweiser into its brewing axis of evil. Now before you Budheads get all riled up and call me unpatriotistic, for drinking un-Americaned beer, hear me out. You're idiots, plain and simple. Okay, now that that's settled, onto the brew.

Brahma was created by Joseph Villager in 1888. Ever since has has flowed through Brasil, adding to the energy, passion and creative spirit called "Ginga". A Brasilian philosophy and approach to life fusing creativity and ingenuity,and living life with effortless flare.

Brahma has a nice curvaceous bottle, with no label, but rather its name raised up on the sides of the bottle. Not as eye-catching as say, Tiger, but then again what is? The curved script is displayed wonderfully, but it also gives you the feeling that you're getting a typical Brazilian macro. But enough about the bottle, we're not gonna drink out of there for crying out loud! Lets pour!

Now we try not to go into drinking any beer with preconceived notions, but to be honest we do it a lot. Is it fair to the beer? No. But life's not always fair, so deal with it! But I digress. Pouring it into my pint glass, it seemed to come out as expected. Oh, did you want to know what that was? Okay, fine! It poured a thin yellow color, with medium carbonation and a thin, quickly dissolving head with no trace of lace. Did not look atrocious, but also did not look to be packing too much in the way of, well, anything. But how does it smell?

Upon plunging your nose into this one you are not met with much. The smell is weak, with mild grains, and the ever so slight hint of fruit, possibly lemon. About what you would expect from your run of the mill macro. The smell is not necessarily bad, just bland. Your socks will remain on when you give it a whiff. Think Corona, but far weaker. But could the mildness pass over to the taste as well?

Yes and yes! Actually not half bad! It was all bad! Hahahaha! I kid, I kid. It really was not terrible, especially considering I heard from a very unreliable source, that the people of Brahma literally put their blood, sweat and tears into their product. Sounds gross, but what you don't know is that a Brazilian's sweat tastes like corn bread. And not that store bought crud, homemade cornbread! For those of you worried about it, the blood, sweat, and tears only make up about 23% of each bottle, rather than the rumored 72%. Hardly anything to get all up in arms about. I mean that sweet Brazilian sweat accounts for the slight grainy corn taste in every sip and the tears help give it just enough water to overpower both it and the alcohol. This is actually fairly refreshing. If I had been chased out of Uruguay with heavy gunfire, and had finally ended up in Brazil taking on odd jobs, possibly in the cane fields, there would be nothing better after a long day of working in that hot South American sun than an iced cold Brahma. And that's the truth!

If you want to get international and try something exciting and new, then I would wholeheartedly recommend an ice cold Brahma. Goes down as smooth and easy as a head cheerleader on prom night. In fact if you're ever in Sao Paolo, it would be an insult to order anything else! Is it a typical macro? Sure, but that's not always bad. Brahma scores slightly higher than Pacifico on the alcoholic water spectrum. So if you see it, give it a whirl, raise your glass to "Ginga" and enjoy!



Bottoms Up!
Willie 3:16

Beware the St. Ides of March

Yes that's right, as a time honored tradition here at the "Janglin" ranch, we once again, for the 37th year in a row, pay our yearly tribute to the disputed Duke of Forties, St. Ides. Now this beverage is one that can not be judged solely on our usual metrics. While we do take into account the eye, nose and mouthfeels, this malty dream is much, much more than that. The faint yellow color, funkified smell and corn malt taste are not what defines this heavenly brew. Oh no, you must look beyond the typical senses. You need to look at your seventh sense, your heart and soul. Because "the Ides" is about emotions and feelings. Everyone has a story about when they first, or even last, had this saintly forty ounces. It takes you back in time without pumping 1.21 gigawatz into a flux capacitor. It conjures so many feelings and stories, like some sort of alcoholic story telling quilt. More so than any other malt-ernative, I'd be willing to wager. For me it takes me back to my meager beginnings. Me and my "homeys" chillin' in the cal-de-sac, cranking our DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince cassette tape, discussing the difficulties of growing up as middle-class white males. I get a little choked up just thinking about it. Now sure it doesn't have the ringing endorsements of say, Colt 45, but for once planet Earth don't let Billy Dee Williams make your decisions for you! You may come up short in other categories St. Ides, but when it comes to Heartfeel, you will always, and I mean always, be a five in my books. I'm sure I speak for the rest of the "Janglers" when I say "the Ides" has a special place in all our hearts, and Bill's uvula.

Bottoms Up
Willie 3:16

THE BOSTON HOPS: PENGUIN PIZZA

I know what you may be thinking, "why is there a pizza place in this blog? This isn't Pizzajanglin' for crying out loud!" While this is true, Penguin Pizza is by far much, much more than just a solid pizza joint. Allow me to proceed. You see Penguin Pizza has around 200 some odd beers to available for consumption at any given time. That's right, 200, no typo here. Ya with me now? I thought you might be. So come on in!

"Penguin", as it is affectionately known, is a cozy little place located in the Brigham Circle area of Beantown. (right off the Green Line Brigham Circle stop. Go figure). When you walk in, you don't really know what to expect. It's dark, and quaint, with only about 6 or 7 bigger tables, 3 little two-seaters, and of course some spots at the bar. Lady Moe and I have been there on several occassions and have never had trouble finding a seat. You seat yourself, and they present you with your menus. One for food and one for beer. Now whilst the pizza here is quite good, again, this is not Pizzajanglin', so we will skip over the reasonably priced and delicious pizza pies available to order and move right along to why you're here, the beer.

As mentioned, there's in the neighborhood of 200 beers on this menu. Now sure amidst this 200 are your macros, like Bud, Miller and Coors, as well as some other alcoholic waters from far off places you may never have heard of, but there are still plenty beyond the likes of them boys, including some local favorites, not as readily accessible to the world outside New England. I mean with that many beers available, if you can't find one you like, chances are, you don't like beer. Now they only have about 15-20 on tap, as the rest are served in bottles, or cans (Yes folks they have PBR in the can as well as the world reknown Schlitz Tall Boy), so if you're a draught boy, you may be less impressed. But the good news here is they deliver you the bottle and the glass, clearly knowing that plenty of their clientele are beer geeks and will need to see the beer, not just drink it. Plus they may even give you the proper glass (I'm not really sure, cause I am not all that up to speed on the proper drinkware for every type of brew). I know for a fact that some have been in the proper glass, but others, perhaps, not so much. They may just grab the next clean beer holder and be done with it, or maybe it even depends on who's tending the bar, I dunno? So if any of our Beantown readers want to enlighten me, it would be greatly appreciated. But it seems, for the most part the bar maidens may have some idea of what beer goes in what type of glass, but they can sometimes have a lot on their plates.

The service here is a bit of tricky wicket. You see for all but one occassion, the bartender and the waitress have been one and the same. On the one occassion, there were two ladies behind the bar and I believe one stayed behind the bar for the most part. It hasn't seemed to be too much of a problem, but it can, at times create delays in getting your brews and food. You see some of the B-tenders seem to be better than others at this brand of multi-tasking, so it does not have a hugely negative effect on the experience. The first time I visited, there was a decent size crowd an it took awhile for us to get service, but it was a Saturday night, and that's almost expected here in the big city. So for the most part I would say the staff do a reasonable job at keeping you drinking, especially if you're in......

The Mug Club. How does one get into the Mug Club? Glas you asked. It consists of a list of a little over a hundred brews they offer at "Penguin" and all you have to do is finish off the list in a year's time and you get a free mug. That's it? A mug? Ah but wait, there is more! Along with the mug, there is also a sense of pride and accomplishment. Pride? Accomplishment? C'mon! Ah but wait, there's still more! You see the mug is a larger than average size mug, 32 ounces perhaps. Larger than average? 32 ounces? Ah but wait there is still more! Once you have earned your large mug, you then pay the regular pint price, but get the alcoholic beverage in the larger-than-a-pint mug! That's right, you pay the normal price but get like twice the beer! Now if that's not worth gulping down 100+ beers in a year's time, I don't know what is? And now is the perfect time to start, what wih that Leap Day right around the corner and all. The list has a good variety of styles and breweries. In fact I don't think there's any brewery represented more than 3 times. Which means, with some quick math, there are at least 50 different breweries to sample from. Of course, with any such list, you will have to take the good with the bad. For every Stone IPA you get to enjoy, there's also a Peroni in your future. For every Brooklyn or Lagunitas, an Anheuser-Busch product. It happens.

All in all not a bad little place to enjoy a slice and a brew, and has quickly become a fav of this particularly beerjangler. So if you're in the area, stop in, you probably won't be disappointed. Thirteen down, 97 to go!

Bottoms Up!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Yes, that's right Beerjanglers, Valentine's Day has fallen on February 14th this year! A holiday instituted by the union of card, candy and flower companies (the jewelry companies just kinda latched on) to exploit your love for that special someone. And sometimes there's even two special someones out there. I like to call that the jackpot. So what does this have to do with beer you ask? I mean after all this is neither Lovejanglin', although that'd not be such a bad name for a blog, nor Madeupholidayjanglin'. So what gives? Well for some, there isn't a special someone to be had on this holiest of days. Now we're not saying that there's anything wrong with that. We're not saying get depressed about it and go straight for the nearest bottle, but we thought we'd throw out what might be a perfect brew for you, and possibly even that special someone(s) as well. So we give to you, Willie Moe's 2008 Valentine Beer: Middle Ages Blackheart Stout. And look we also were able to combine the heart of Valentine's Day with black history month. Bullseye!

The Blackheart stout hath both a black heart and a stoutness to it. And done. Oh, did you want a more in-depth analysis? Okay, fine. If I could, for a moment, go all hyperbolic like a real journalist on y'all, this is maybe the blackest beer ever made. I mean the blackness is very stout indeed. Don't look for any light to pass through, or refract for that matter, cause it ain't happenin', my friends. Of course the head is not black, I don't even know how they would do that? The head is in fact more of a light brown, chocolate milk color if you would. Trust me if you want a dark beer, this is for you. Alright, let's send in the nose....

Your nose will not be overpowered, overwhelmed or even overtaken by the aromas in this stout. Now don't get me wrong here you're also not gonna be underpowered, underwhelmed or undertaken by it's scent. No, no, it's actually a fairly rich roasted, toasted, burnt, braised, well perhaps not braised, that wouldn't make sense, malt air emanating from it. Also there's a hint of coffee in there as well, naturally. Alright, made sense of the scents? Good, let's get drinking.

Upon first taste you get lambasted (I think that's a word, and possibly even used correctly) with a strong coffee, roasted malt flavor. You know, like a nice maltaccino. The roasted stoutness leads the way here in the old flavor category. The second heat of flavor brings about a dark chocolate with a mild yeast. It's a regular cornucopia of flavors in there! And once this bad boy warms up the flavors are brought even more to the forefront, and they're deliciously strong! But what is really going in the mouth?

This concoction is and thick and smooth, much like yours truly. It will leave a thick coating, but it contains a very good balance. It seems to thicken as it warms. I put some in the microwave and now it's as thick as mo-lasses. Just kidding. It's not that thick. You can feel the alcohol and it's worth a go, but I don't know if I could take down more than two in a sitting. Overall this one is aces! Almost as good a feeling as when cupid slings his arrow into a sublime buttock. I'm just not looking forward to March when we have to go back to calling it African-Americanheart Stout. It just doesn't roll off the tongue quite as well, ya know?

Happy V-Day and Bottoms Up!

BEER BOWL I

Or should we call it the Beer Mug? I mean 97% of the time, I drink from a glass or mug, but rarely a bowl. Well, we'll stick with Beer Bowl for now, or maybe Hop Bowl? Well, the name notwithstanding, it's time to really break down the Super Bowl, the way it was meant to be broken down, by beer! Now, I had this idea a whiles back and one thing led to another and, well, this one kinda got away from me. Much like January, am I right?! Who can beleive it's actually February already? Without looking at a calendar smart aleck! I digress. Luckily someone else was already on it, and here it is from the Beer Nut, to us, to you:

THE BEER NUT: Does New England or New York have the better brewski?
By NORMAN MILLER GateHouse News Media

Another chapter will be added in the Boston-New York rivalry when the New England Patriots and the New York Giants go at it in the Super Bowl.Here is a look at the top 22 beers from New England and New York, 11 from each region. Why 22? Well, there are 11 players each on offense and defense. You decide which is the best.

New England (in no particular order):
1. Thomas Hooker Liberator Doppelbock - This beer from Bloomfield, Conn., is top of the line. If it’s not the best doppelbock in the world, it is the best produced in the United States.

2. Allagash Odyssey - If you like Belgian beers, this Belgian strong ale from Portland, Maine, is tough to beat. A strong effort from the North.

3. Berkshire Brewing Company’s Coffeehouse Porter - If you like porters and coffee, this is the beer for you. South Deerfield’s finest (and only) brewery produces this coffeehouse in a bottle.

4. Samuel Adams Boston Lager - An American classic. The Boston Beer Company first made this craft brew more than 20 years ago, and it still holds up in the crowded craft beer market.

5. Harpoon IPA - Another entry from Boston. Although other India pale ales may be more bitter, higher in alcohol and get more respect, this is a standby in almost any bar in Boston.

6. Cambridge Brewing Company’s Arquebus - You won’t be able to find a better barley wine in a brewpub. At 10.75 percent alcohol by volume, this is one incredible beer.

7. The Tap/Haverhill Brewery’s Leatherlips - Once you take a sip of this IPA, you will never believe it is only 5 percent ABV. If there is an IPA that you can knock back a sixer, this is it. And the woman on the label can be a New England cheerleader.

8. Portsmouth Brewing Company’s Kate The Great - This Russian Imperial Stout from the New Hampshire brewpub is hands down one of the best beers in the world. It’s thick, creamy and downright dreamy.

9. Pennichuck Brewing Company’s Pompier - A recent favorite. This English-style barley wine aged in wood barrels is a great sipping beer. And portions of any Pompier bought from this Milford, N.H., brewery benefits fire departments.

10. Rock Art’s Mountain Holidays in Vermont Rich Creamy Bock Lager - The name of this Vermont brewery’s beer is a mouthful, but ignore that and just bask in the creamy goodness of this German-style bock.

11. Samuel Adams Utopias - The world’s strongest beer at 27 percent ABV. Two ounces is enough to enjoy this sipping alcohol.

New York
1. Blue Point’s Hoptical Illusion - A top of the line, although under-appreciated, IPA from this small Patchogue, N.Y., brewery. Not as hoppy as the name would suggest, but very drinkable.

2. Brewery Ommegang’s Three Philosophers - One of my all-time favorite beers. It’s an American take on a Belgian quadruple from this Belgian-influenced Cooperstown brewery.

3. Brooklyn Brewery’s Lager - This is just a downright drinkable beer. I hope this is on tap at every bar I go into. The brewery bills this as a pre-Prohibition style lager. If lagers tasted like this before Prohibition, what happened to all of the recipes of the big brewers?

4. Brooklyn Brewery’s Black Chocolate Stout - Yes, I know, two from Brooklyn, but you can’t mention the best beers from New York without mentioning this wonderful Russian imperial stout.

5. Saranac’s Black Forest - Black lagers are an under-appreciated style. This is a solid example of the German style. Extremely drinkable and creamy.

6. Six Point Craft Ales’ Bengali Tiger - Another top-notch IPA. A strong hop flavor and bitterness makes your taste buds stand at attention.

7. Southern Tier Brewing Company’s Unearthly - There was not a brewery in the United States that had a better year than this Lakewood brewer. The Unearthly, an incredible Imperial IPA, is a standout. It’s so balanced, you can’t help but love it.

8. Southern Tier Brewing Company’s Oat - This imperial stout weighs in at a hefty 12.5 percent ABV, but you’ll hardly notice it. This thing is full of flavors - some hop bitterness, sweetness from malts, a little coffee, a little chocolate - all good.

9. South Hampton Publick House’s Biere de Garde - Nearly perfect to what a biere de garde is supposed to be. A Belgian-style, smells spicy. The spiciness is balanced nicely by the malt sweetness.

10. Middle Ages Brewing Company’s Wailing Wench - Extremely malty, almost too sweet except for the hops kicking in to make this a worthy beer to drink. The lass on this label could be a New York cheerleader.

11. Schmaltz Brewing’s Bittersweet Lenny’s RIPA - If you like your beers bitter (and I do), this is the beer for you. Brewed in honor of comedian Lenny Bruce, this is an aggressive beer. It feels thick in the mouth. Just be forewarned, make this your last beer of the night because you won’t be able to taste anything afterward.

Norman Miller is a GateHouse News Service writer. Contact him at nmiller@cnc.com or 508-626-3823. Don’t forget to check out the Beer Nut blog at www.blogs.townonline.com/beernut/.Copyright 2008 The Patriot Ledger

Now just so you know, the writer was asked to write up the list of brews with brief descriptions, so that is why there are not more in-depth looks at these beers. What are your thoughts on the list, hmmm?

BREW ENGLAND: A STORM'S A BREWIN'!-PART 1

Yes that's right, Willie Moe is back! After some mild controversy over my Pilsner Urquell post, I have returned and am ready to take the beer blogging world by storm! Newport Storm that is. You see Willie Moe has packed up and moved from Syracuse to Boston. The Sunshine State, gorgeous. So, if moving weren't stressful enough, now I have to find where they hide the good beer in the Commonwealth. Which means I am out on a beer voyage (pronounced like you'd pronounce it when saying, "bon voyage"), and you, my loyal readers, okay reader, are about to reap all the benefits! Now as excited as we are to dive right in and conduct the Boston hops, we decided to broaden our horizons, or at least our beer selection, and thus I welcome you to Brew England......

Our first stop in Brew England is Middletown, Rhode Island home of the Coastal Extreme Brewing Company, producers of Newport Storm. Now I know, it sounds like an Arena Football team or something, but it's actually beer, go figure? Now I gotta say the labeling is not all that eye catching. I really only picked it because it was from Rhodey and I had partaken of most every other sixer they had available at this particular package store. Plus unlike most of the half dozens available it had two different beers in it. Three of each, for those of you not quick with the math. And of course we are gonna give you a taste of both of those offerings. Well not literally, if you wanna taste you're gonna have to buy it yourself. So enough babbling, into the eye of the storm we go.....

The first one we're gonna give a whirl is the Regenschauer Oktoberfest, which is by far easier to drink than it is to pronounce. Now out of the bottle, this pours a thin orange, honey color, with a nice head that quickly dissolves away. Not very cloudy, giving no warning that a storm's a comin'. I would say the appearance is roughly average. It's not as beautiful as some other Oktoberfests or Marzen style lagers, but it's look would not dissuade you from throwing it down your gullet. It sure didn't stop me, but very little would, let's be honest here. Now that I've painted you a picture of this brew, let's get our face in their and dig out the nosefeel, or smell, as you may call it.

To tell you the truth, the nosefeel did not entice me. Now, I'm not saying it doesn't smell good, it's just not my cup of tea, or glass of beer, if you would. Well, if you want to be literal it is my glass, but come on! The malt is the first thing that hits your nostrils, and burrows itself up in there for a while. Now, me I'm not a fan of the overly malty aroma, but if that's your thing, go for it. There's also the slightest, I say slightest, hint of something sweet in the smell, I can't quite place. Perhaps a snozzberry, I'm not sure? What I am sure of, is it's time to go in for a taste.

The Regajblhdeur gives you the taste of dry woody hop. It's not uber dry, that's for sure, but you feel that woody flavor in every sip. It kind of has that sharp little tingle as it rolls over your tongue en route to your gullet. The bitterness is slight, but leaves a nice little dry aftertaste that you'd expect from a Regnbkjjfbaksbldeur Oktoberfest. There is that hint of sweetness that we took in through the nose that also presents itself in the mouth as well. And I still can't quite place it. Overall I'd say this was not blow your hair back spectacular, but is definitely worth a nip, if you have the means.

Bottoms Up!
Willie 3:16

WHAT'S CZECHOSLOVAKIAN FOR ALCOHOLIC WATER?

Why that would be Pilsner Urquell of course! Yes that's right the original pilsner, the beer that changed how the world sees beer! This was the first ever pilsner, and every pils, pilsner, or pilsener is in some way formulated from the original recipe passed down through the ages from the gang at good ol' Pils-Urq. Now, while it is tempting to start rattling off an ode to the pilsner style, I will refrain. No, I will not wax poetically about the wonder of Beck's or the magnificence of Heineken. No, no I will not. Why? Because, as tempting as it is to rattle on and on about the glory Saaz noble hops, this post is not about pilsners, and the magic within them. No, no, this is about THE pilsner, Pilsner Urquell.

The Pils-Urq is offered in a shiny green bottle, with a label that screams, "CLASS!" Elegant and inviting, the bottle wisks you away to the old time Czech Republic, and it never felt so right. Nice lookin' label, nice lookin' bottle, so far, so good. Unfortunately that is roughly where the good times end. Because now it's time to open her up and go in for the real thing.

It pours a brilliantly clear straw color, that brings you back to a simpler time, when men were men, and women couldn't vote. Yes and don't you worry your pretty little heads, you can see right through it! And if you put it over a piece of paper with writing, it can actually act as a magnifying glass. Take that Guinness!

Now, as any beer drinker worth his weight in hops would, I go in for the smell. Now when the aroma of this particular brew first hits the nostrils, it becomes readily apparent to the drinker why the initials of this beer are P.U. It's like they threatened Pepe Le Pew before each new batch, to get that crisp skunky smell just right. Cause at Pilsner Urquell they raise and frighten only the finest skunks to in all of Eastern Europe. Well, I won't lie, too often that is, but the smell did not have me that ecstatic about goin' in for the taste. But I did, for you, my loyal reader.

Surprisingly the skunkiness was not as prevalent in the taste as it was the smell, and my mouth couldn't have been happier! Well, I mean it could've been happier, if I was drinking, say, Anchor Liberty Ale or any other beer I enjoy, but you get the pitcher. It had that hint of bitterness you'd expect, with a hint of I believe, hydrogen and oxygen. But the hydrogenity seemed like it may have been about twice as much as the oxygenacity in there. Yes, definitely two hydrogens for every oxygen or so. It almost feels like you're being hydrated? The taste was fairly bland, but the "P to the U" does have some subtle malty undertones, and will prick your tongue as it passes through, but overall it does not have a strong taste about it. It won't stand out in a crowd, if you know what I'm saying.

So, is it drinkable? Sure. Would I go out of my way to track down more for my private stock? Probably not. I mean although it is the original pilsner, I don't think it has any other beers in "Czech", as it were. I would rate this okay to drink if you are surrounded by skunks and need to make them think you are one of their own. Or I guess if you are surrounded by "Czechs" and need to make them think you are one of their own. Either way. Now, it's off to find out what exactly is Yugoslavian for alcoholic water.

Bottoms Up
Willie 3:16

The Session #7: Brew Zoo

It has come to be that time once again. A new month is upon us and therefore a new "Session" as well. I was honored when the Chief Executive Blogger tapped me, of all people, to pound out the September "Session" for Beerjanglin. The topic at hand is the "Brew Zoo". You may wonder what in the heck that means, perhaps even furrowing your brow a bit upon reading it. Well rather than explain this myself, I will simply have the guys over at "Appelation Beer: Beer From a Good Home" do the honors:

"Have you ever noticed how many animals show up on beer labels? We have lions and tigers and bears, plus various birds, reptiles, fish, assorted domesticated and wild animals, plus a few mythical creatures. For whatever reason brewers have a tradition of branding their beers using everything from pets to predators. The Brew Zoo will celebrate these lagers and ales."

Well, to kind of narrow things down a little bit, I will mainly focusing on beers that are readily available to myself up in the Northeastern United States. But enough Golden Monkey-ing around let's get down to business. I am going to explore several of the more popular beer animals.

[And big thanks to Rick Lyke at Lyke 2 Drink for hosting the festivities this month! You can read the four updated Session collections here, here, here and here, as well as Lyke's own entry here. Please visit all these sites and leave comments.]

DOG-GONE GOOD TIME!
Ah yes, the canis lupus familiaris, or dog, could, I said could be, the most popular animal to grace beer labels world wide. Now if you are expecting to find Red Dog in this post (other than here), than you have taken the wrong exit on the information superhighway. Feel free to turn around at your earliest convenience, and proceed back to the Macro Crap exit. Anyway back to the canine, man's best friend. Dogs are ever-present in the world of brewing, and why shouldn't they be? Go on, tell me. Nothing? Alright then. You see, while the dog is said to be man's best friend, beer has certainly given the canines of the world a pretty good run for their money. I mean, I love both, but dogs don't assault your taste buds or refresh you like a good beer will. But in a dog's defense, beer doesn't fetch or sniff your crotch, so, it's sort of a toss-up. It seems only natural that man's two best friends be joined in beautiful harmony. I think we've all needed a little "hair of the dog" at one point or another. One place that has really gone to the dogs is Flying Dog Brewery in Colorado.

At Flying Dog they work doggedly at making their delicious brews year round, all aptly named to reference the canine. From the In-Heat Wheat to the Doggie Style IPA to the Tire Bite, they offer quite an array of refreshing and delicious brews. Most of the dogs on the labels are crudely drawn cartoons, so it is difficult to see exactly what kind of dogs they are. But if I had to guess, I would say, "friendly and playful". Several different dogs actually grace the labels, not just the flying dog itself.

Now most of the regular offerings don't have that much "bite", topping out just under 6% ABV, with several staying more in the 4-5% ABV range. But if you don't want to be left lapping up their regular offerings, you may want to try and find their annual Wild Dog Series release. The current one is the Wild Dog Barrel-Aged Gonzo Imperial Porter which is 9.0% ABV. Yep, not something to just go wagging your tail at. Interestingly enough, this concoction does not have a dog on the label? Go figure, more alcohol, less dog?

Now, unlike Flying Dog, The Sea Dog Brewing Company in Maine relies on just one dog to appear on it's labels, a dog by the name of Barney.

"Barney was the Sea Dog Brewing Company's apprentice brewmaster and figurehead. Sadly he is no longer with us, but his spirit lives on. A Great Pyrenees, which were originally bred for their dauntless protection of mountain flocks and as official guard dogs for the French court in the 17th century, Barney continued this age old tradition by posting guard over the brew kettle as it boiled. Although, the Great Pyrenees breed usually dislikes the water, Barney loved it and dove right in whenever he got the chance. As a boating "enthusiast" he began sailing at three months and thus acquired his nickname of "Sea Dog". Barney was just as at home on deck as on land."

Oddly enough, much like the pack at Flying Dog, the Sea Dog line is not heavy on the alcohol content, offerering only 4 brews above 5.0% ABV. We're not saying they're dogging it, but I find it interesting that beers with dogs on them do not offer that much bite? Although looking at Barney, you realize that such a nice, sweet dog would not bite you unless provoked. I mean how intimidating is a shaggy dog in a rain slicker, really? Sea Dog seems to offer more in the way of fruity flavor like in their Raspberry, Apricot or Blueberry Wheats. They may not have much bite, but I wouldn't mind taking these dogs for a walk anyday, if ya catch my drift.

Now just because a brewery doesn't have a dog name, doesn't mean they can't put one on the label, does it? No it does not. Take a "Beerjanglin" fan favorite; Smuttynose Old Brown Dog Ale, for example. This Brown Ale features, in case you couldn't guess, an old brown dog on the label. At 5.7% this brown ale could quickly become your best friend. But what's really interesting here, is that Smuttynose logo actually features a smuttynosed seal-like creature that is, quite possibly, an actual seal. But it only appears on the upper labels of their bottles and never anywhere else. Sounds a bit.....

FISHY TO ME
Ah yes, the wonderful world of sea creatures. I would say sea life is about as well-represented in the beer community as the dog. Don't believe me? Think I'm baiting you? Well, I'm not, my friends, I speaketh the truth. So read on, drink on, whatever floats your boat, and take a look at these offerings that you are sure to fall for hook, line and sinker.

The Smuttynose Brewing Co. is one of the better breweries to use a sea creature on it's bottles and logo. The Old Brown Dog Ale is an award winning brew and pretty much everything they offer is delicious and does that smutty-nosed fella on their bottles proud. Just pick one and drink it, you'll sea what I mean. I'm telling you it does not matter, which one you choose, pick randomly. It'll be good. Of course some are better than others, sure.The Big A IPA, the Smuttynose IPA and Smuttynose Robust Porter are among their top offerings, and you'd be wise to make any one of them your "catch of the day."

But really, why settle for just a dog or just a fish?At Dogfish Head Brewing they've found the common denominator, and trust me it does not get much fishier than the brewing at Dogfish Head. There brews tend to be both "experimental" and "extreme". By "extreme", I mean, they have a tad bit more alcohol in them than your average brew. You know like 18-20% or so, no big deal. Perhaps best known, at least to this drinker, for their I.P.A.s. There's a 60 Minute, 90 Minute and for the ever daring, the 120 Minute I.P.A. Some other more experimantal brews include the Aprihop, Chicory Stout and Fetsina Peche. Some of these "experiments" should, perhaps sleep with the fishes. But say what you will about Dogfish Head, they are not afraid to try new things, they'll do something just for the halibut.

Meanwhile, at Rooster Fish Brewing, located slightly more than a stone's throw away from us here in Syracuse, down in Watkins Glen, NY, is the cock of the walk baby. Okay, sure, I've never had anything from this particular brew station, but it looks like a great place. For the hop heads there's a Hop Warrior Imperial IPA, that has my mouth watering just typing about it. But of course there's more, sillies. It looks like they have about six brews on tap, and I'm sure they are all well above mediocre, and are just begging to be reeled in. And besides you know what they say, "Beer with fish on the labels is brain food", or something like that? Or perhaps that's just a......

BIRD OF ANOTHER FEATHER
If your talkin' birds and brew, then you must be talkin' Mendocino Brewing Company, right? The Mendocino family of brews features a bird, mostly hawks, on every label, and delicious beer in every bottle. Now, trust me when I tell you, these brews are not for the birds. Each beer named for a bird is representative of said birds characteristics:

"We are proud to have a range of impressive imagery on all our labels. The Raptors that represent our ales possess all the qualities that our beers have. For example, the Red Tail Hawk, native to Northern California, combines a subtle strength with an amber allure that is reflected perfectly in the ale that bears its name. Eye of the Hawk, features a magnificent head of a Hawk - its piercing eyes giving it an aura of power and presence. So also, our Select Ale that pays tribute to this Hawk. The Black Hawk that our stout portrays, is a singularly elegant raptor that has a maturity born of confidence - so too our Stout."

That just about says it all, don't it? Myself, I'm partial to the White Hawk IPA and the Eye of the Hawk, but I don't think you'll be disappointed with any of their offerings. These brews are great on tap or out of the bottle back at the nest. Trust me, when it comes to making beer, the gang at Mendocino doesn't lay an egg. So take flight (after you're done reading this post of course) to your local grocer or beer store and see if they stock it!

Another notable bird favorite is Middle Ages' Swallow Wit. Brewed in the style of a Belgian wit bier, it has a fruity taste created by orange peel. One of my personal favs, this is a light and refreshing brew that is very drinkable and a delight to have on a warm summer's day. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, and say you'd have to be some sort of bird-brain to not enjoy this. Seriously, I mean it. It's delicious. Maybe not the best Middle Ages has to offer, but it's definitely worth a few pecks. Now don't worry, this brew doesn't fly south for the winter, you can find it year round. Down at Middle Ages they take there brewing seriously and are not about......

MONKEYING AROUND
Possibly my favorite member of the animal kingdom, I find the monkey to be rather underrepresented in the world of beer. But hey, maybe I'm not looking hard enough, who knows?

Victory's Golden Monkey is, well, the "gold standard" in monkey-labeled beers. With a 9.5% ABV, it will only take a few of these to make you go bananas. One of Victory's biggest, um, victories, Golden Monkey continues to be a fan-favorite in the beer community. I know, without question, it's the best monkey beer I've ever had. Sure, it's the only one I've ever had, but don't let that detract away from my statement, because it's still top-notch! Nope, no monkey business here, Golden Monkey is the real deal!

Well that about wraps it up folks. Talk about animal magnetism, right? So, heyI'd love it if you left a comment to let me no what you think (please keep it clean and constructive), good, bad or indifferent. Thanks for stopping by, come back soon, and until then...."Bottoms Up!"

What's Mexican for Alcoholic Water?

That would have to be Pacifico of course!*

Now let me tell you about Pacifico. And I mean to be specifico. This cerveza is by no means magnifico. When it comes to notoriety stateside, Corona is far more prolifico. But we all know that the Mexican beer game is mostly politic-o. Because you see the group responsible for Corona is also responsible for Pacifico. Yes, they both fall under Grupo Modelo in Me-hico. Now there are a lots of Corona fanaticos, but some seem to prefer their Pacificos. Now I've had both, and neither strikes me as really terrifico.

Pacifico is a pilsener, with a clear yellow pour, that is not in anyway distincto. Smells and tastes like one of those malted corn drinkos. It's almost like they found the basic corn pilsener recipe and photocopied it at a Kinkos. Now while it's not a beer that makes you thinko, it is okay to drinko. If you're offered one, don't pour it down the sink-ho'. But when answering the question, "is it better than Corona?" well, I guess I'm still on the brinko. But on on the ratings scale of swill, to liquid awesome, it rates an okay to drinko.

Bottoms Up!
Willie 3:16-O?

*Both Pacifico and Corona could be considered to be Mexican for alcoholic water. In the beer thesaurus they are, in fact loose synonyms.

Beer in Mind: UBER SUN

In a new segment for Beerjanglin' I am gonna bring our readers, of which there are dozens, DOZENS, a look at some new or newer brews. Mostly ones I'd like to wet my palate with. Today we're taking a look at the Southern Tier Imperial Summer Wheat, The Uber Sun.

"It is through the movement of the universe that life presents itself in transformation. It is in this spirit that we make UberSun, a tribute to the dynamic energy of summer."

Basically this is an Imperial Hop Sun, and I think we all know there ain't a thing wrong with that! Made with a combo of 2-row pale malt, wheat malt, and some fine centennial hops...

"The alignment of wheat and barley through this hop-infused brew embodies the solar system itself.....This may be a difficult task, but one our brewers revel in! They brew a galaxy of taste into every batch. Uber Sun is the ultimate experience that will challenge you with every sip."

The Hop Sun, while not our favorite Southern Tier offering, is surely a solid brew, and with 8% ABV, the Uber Sun looks to be another winner, in our books. The early reviews of this are very good, scoring an average 4.23 (out of 5) on Beer Advocate. We, for one, cannot wait to get our hands on what promises to be a little slice of "Hop Heaven!"

"Uber Sun is clean and full of flavor, but don't pull an Icarus-this is one big beer! Pour a glass or drink straight from the bottle, it's meant to be consumed wisely with friends between summer solstice and autumnal equinox."- Southern Tier

Bottoms Up!
-Willie 3:16

Beer o' The Moment: Stone Ruination IPA

Stone is one of the best breweries going, in this fair nation. Now unfortunately I have not had the means to get to Stone, which, alas, lies on the complete other side of the country, in the sunny California. Now if you live out west, especially in the southern California area, you should really take a trip to the Stone Brewery. Now if you are like myself, and getting there is not quite as feasible, you can, and should, check out their website. Stone has many happenings going on from Beer and Book Night to Mike's Beer Cheese Night (Harpoon's not the only one mixing cheese and beer) to movie night (Blazing Saddles is the next late night movie). Needless to say, it doesn't take long to see that the folks at Stone know what they're doing.

In fact they even manage to brew a few good beers here and there, one of them being the BOTM: Ruination. I happened upon the Ruination, at one of my favorite haunts, Clark's Ale House. The Ruination is a hophead's dream come true. Here's how the fellas at Stone describe this bad boy:

So named for it's "ruinous" effect on your palate! This massive hop monster has a wonderfully delicious and intensely bitter flavor on a refreshing malt base. One taste and you can easily see why we call this brew, "a liquid poem to the glory of the hop!" Those who seek, crave and rejoice in beers with big, bold, bitter character will find true nirvana in Stone Ruination IPA.


Couldn't put it better myself. The Ruination pours a beautiful amber with very little head. Although filled with hoppy goodness, the piney, hoppy smell is not more subtle than you may think, as it emanates from your glass. But once you dive it's like a taste bonanza! Whatever the heck that means? You can taste the hop and piney goodness, but there is a good flavor balance going on. The bitterness is poweful, but it doesn't "ruin" this baby from going down smooth. Maybe even smoother than other beers of the same nature. This is probably, without a doubt, the best IPA I've ever had. The guys at Stone sure do know their way around a fermenter. On my scale of swill to liquid awesome this rates a............LIQUID AWESOME!


Bottoms Up!
-Willie 3:16

Not to be Taken for Pomegranate!

Over this past weekend I, being the lover of a good wheat beer that I am, partook of a Saranac's newest seasonal offering their Pomegranate Wheat. Now, not being as in to the darker beers as the rest of the Beerjanglin' lot, summer is the perfect time for me. You see summer is the perfect time for wheats, and lighter fare, while your stouts, and dark whatnots take a bit of a back seat. Which means I am in hog heaven, folks! Drink it in! But back to the beer at hand, the Pomegranate Wheat. Now, I'd be lying if I said that my choice was not partially, or completely influenced by the bear with sungalsses juggling, what I would assume to be pomegranates, on the label. For you up and coming breweries out there, that's how you move product, juggling bears! I'd also like to see more monkeys on labels, but that's just my humble opinion. But there's a lot more to beer than the label. In my book, presentation counts for at least 41% of my overall rating, the other 74%, well that is what's behind the label! Now from the label it's on to the aroma, and this had a subtle, intriguing, and yet inviting aroma. I've never smelled a pomegranate before, but I envisioned myself sitting in a pomegranate orchard, soaking up the sun, without a care in the world, as I took in it's sweet smells. After letting it's delicious scent waft into my nostrils for a bit, I decided to go in! It was light, as are most wheats, with the pomegranate providing just enough red tint. Sitting there, with the sun refracting through it, it was just begging to be consumed, so who was I to argue? Down it went, smooth and refreshing! There was not a lot of lingering aftertaste, which I like and not an overpowering fruit flavor about it. The fruitiness is noticeable, but not so much as to make the guys out there feel unmanly. Now is this the best wheat beer I've ever had? No. But it is definitely the best pomegranate wheat I've ever had. I say that to say this. Saranac rarely let's me down and this time was no different, as this a welcome addition to there Beer of Summer lineup, great for picnics or BBQs, and a great way to break in some newcomers to the world of good beer. On my scale of "swill" to "liquid awesome", I give it a "more than pleasurable"!

Bottoms Up!

What's Italian for Alcoholic Water?

Why that would be Peroni of course! Peroni is the lager brewed by, big surprise, Birra Peroni Brewing Company in Rome (although it was founded in Vigevano). Peroni is not distinctive in flavor, color or aroma. Now I went to the Peroni website, but found it was all in Italian! Go figure, right? Luckily I took two semesters of Italian in college, so I'm pretty sure I got the gist of it, and will translate for you, the loyal reader:

"Founded in the mid-19th century, Peroni is an age old Italian beer, filled with tradition, heritage, and water. Strained through dress socks and aged to perfection in a workboot, Peroni gives that essence of the old country. When the time is right, we keep on adding water till you can barely taste the alcohol. This also helps give Peroni it's brilliantly clear look. It has long been rumored that Peroni is actually the liquid inside levelling tools. This is not true. If it were people would continually be breaking levels to get at this sweet nectar, and we could not have that."

Now, of course it's been several years since I've cracked open an Italian book, so this is a loose translation, at best. The Peroni lager is about as good as Tsingtao, or Budweiser, which is to say it's not. Very good that is. Now, it has come to my attention that my review of Tsingtao, may have been a bit harsh, so I hope to give Peroni a little bit fairer review. This beer is only good for a hangover. It's basically what a Bud drinker would drink to make them look classy and international, which of course, they are not. It's thin in color, texture, aroma and, most of all, taste. Now the Peroni Brewing Company is best known for it's pilsner offering, Nastro Azzuro, so maybe the lager is not the best way to judge the brewery, but for now it's all we've got. And based on the Peroni lager, I implore Italians to stick to making pastas and sauces, which is a nice way of saying, "Stick to your day job, Italy!" Final rating: Drinkable if forced or if participating in an Italian beer pong tournament




Bottoms up!

What's Chinese for Alcoholic Water?

Why that would be Tsingtao of course! I not so recently was able to partake of this beverage from the Orient and let me tell you, it's but a few small points above swill! I mean, to say this had a horrendous taste would be wrong. It has no taste whatsoever! It's like liquid celery or something. The Tsingtao Brewery was established in China, by German settlers. Now, I'd be willing to wager that these krauts were blitzkrieged out of Germany with barely a guttentag to send them on their way, for tainting the storied German beer tradition. Of course there German beer curse lives on today in the form of Heineken, but that's neither here nor there. Now as I ventured deeper into the majestic Tsingtao brewing tradition I did find an answer as to why this beer was about as flavor packed as, well, something that has very little, to no, flavor whatsoever. You see, over a quarter of Tsingtao Brewery is owned by the one and only Anheuser-Busch. Yes folks, that's right! The same Anheuser-Busch responsible for Busch, Busch Light, Budweiser, Bud Light, Bud Dry, lupus, and Bud Ice. Okay, okay, so there's no "factual" or "scientific" evidence linking them to lupus, but it's only a matter of time, really. Anyways, they have given the folks over at Tsingtao the recipe for mediocrity, and that's the truth. So on my scale of "swill to liquid awesome", Tsingtao rates a "drinkable if forced or if stranded in the Republic of China". Bottoms up!