Drinkability?

At the risk of eschewing actual content for cheapie YouTube posts, this one caught me during the first half of today's Bills-Broncos game.

We all know that the "Drinkability" concept/campaign is laughable at best and audience-insulting at worst. All beverages are drinkable. This would be akin to McDonald's starting a campaign proudly trumpeting that their food is "Edible." It's a silly campaign, although not as desperate as their "It's so clear you can't hide its flaws" campaign with The Daily Show's usually amusing Rob Riggle. [Note: I cannot find any of these Riggle-laden commercials anywhere. I'm wondering if Bud realized how insipid and ridiculous they were and removed them from all existence.]

What struck me about this commercial though -- and it might be harder to see on the YouTube clip than it is on TV -- is the James Spader lookalike to the right of the screen who has just taken a sip of his Bud Light and proclaims "Man, that's good." See below.



The look on his face tells me that the beer is actually anything BUT good. His face resembles that of a person who had to ingest barium sulfate before a medical test. If that isn't the textbook definition of "choking it down," I don't know what is.

I think Bud is losing it.

If your goal is to make a drink that's "easy to swallow," as the commercial would indicate, then maybe you should get out of the goddamn beer business and into the iced tea business. Is beer really that hard to swallow? Have beer drinkers been reporting this as a problem? Are we gagging on our ales?

Some might think that BeerJanglin' is anti-Budweiser. And some might not be completely wrong. But we are getting very tired of the trend of this Belgian-owned company spreading blatant falsehoods, especially while claiming themselves to be the "Great American Lager." Drinkability. Clarity. Patriotism. All reasons that you should shun the craft brewing industry and drink Bud.

Right?

[Update: I was searching for Beer Ad articles online, and came up with this 2004 NPR/Slate spot by Seth Stevenson that talked about the battle between Miller's "President of Beers" and Bud's "disproportionate response" (their words). Interestingly, it's notable that one of Bud's main contentions of its superiority over Miller was that Miller was bought about by "a South African company" and therefore were somehow less patriotic. Oops!]

Wine Snobs Become Bud Geeks!

A Hat Tip to Brookston Beer Bulletin for inspiration...

Let's break down this Budweiser commercial for a moment. Two wine snobs sit at an upscale tavern where the chesty Christine Scott Bennett is tending bar. They are debating as to where their wine comes from. One says, "It tastes like Sonoma Valley," to which the other rebukes, "These grapes are VERY Sierra foothills."

At which point, our dreamy tavern maid jumps in with, "Idaho!"



No, she is not saying that "She [is] da hoe," nor does she have Tourette's. Rather, she begins to explain where the hops in Budweiser -- the Belgian beer company -- are harvested. Idaho, as all beer aficianados can tell you, is the home of "fields of the finest hops known to man." This fact is irrefutable.

But what better way to empirically prove the superiority of Idaho hops than by pouring -- unsolicited, mind you -- two large pilsner glasses filled with Budweiser. (It's an American-style macro lager, for those of you unfamiliar with this Belgian company.)

So dumbstruck and embarrassed are these two pseudo-sommeliers, that they are shamed into purchasing Budweisers for everyone in the bar! Clearly, these men -- because of their appreciation for wine -- are men of class and taste, and probably have high-paying jobs in the private sector which would allow them to afford such an outrageous bar tab. Apparently, they took one look at this exotic yellow beer and decided that it was time to say "enough" to all this stuffy wine talk and get down to a real workingman's drink! (One question, however: why is it that these men would argue about the origins of the grapes in the wine they are drinking, when they could just as easily look on the bottle's label or Google the answer via their BlackBerries?)

A quick cut to the Budweiser logo, with the words "The Great American Lager (Please Drink Responsibly)" and the Rock and/or Roll sounds of Jet's "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" This song represents that the buttoned-up world that these two stagnant males were living in has just been rocked! (Or possibly rolled.)

But just knowing that these men are going on to better drinking isn't enough. You have to watch ... the process. When we return to our wine connois-snores, they are practically obsessed with this stuff! Mr. Sierra Foothills asks Mr. Sonoma Valley if he's "feeling the hops?" Mr. Sonoma replies, "I'm SO-O-O feelin' the hops!" as he wafts the aroma of those bitter hops into his nasal cavity. You know, just like real beer geeks do. Oh, and suddenly there are two comely young blonde lasses who have just sidled up to them. Apparently buying $2.50 beers for the house make a woman swoon. Cut and print!

Thanks Budweiser, for capturing what it's like to be a real beer drinker.

Brewpoint with Willie Moe

Its time for another edition of Brewpoint with Willie Moe! Yes folks its time for Willie Moe to dole out his opinions on something in the world of beer. Mmmmm, world of beer, aaaaaaggghh! In this edition we go into the seedy underbelly of Bud, dum, dum, dum, dah. But more specifically Bud Light and their "Drinkability" campaign.

It probably comes as no surprise that there is not one Beerjangler' who is an avid drinker of Bud or Bud Light. Yes, even Dunford, the self proclaimed huguenot (whatever that means), parted ways with the self proclaimed "King of Beers" after he could no longer readily find BudDry, the only beer to this day that matches his unique wit and style. Is it because we are, what the world outside Brewtopia commonly refers to as "Beer Snobs"? Well, maybe partially. But I can guarantee that every single Beerjangler' has, in the last year, partook of a Pabst Blue Ribbon (and we were drinkning it long before it was trendy), or a Strohs, or a Gennessee Cream Ale, or a Schaeffer's, or any number of other comparable beers. Well, alright, I realize there is nothing comparable to a sweet, sweet PBR, but you get the point. If you ever see us voluntarily forcing down one of Heir Wieser's mainstays, it's probably a good day for curling in "h-e-double hockey sticks", if you catch my draught. If you don't, it means Hell froze over, because us drinking Bud by choice is that far fetched. So, needless to say, we do not like Budweiser, as opposed to Bud Wiser, whom we love. But if there's one thing, and there probably is only one thing, I could always count on from the Bud Empire, was clever and funny commercials.

This makes sense because they certainly aren't putting all those thousands of dollars they make into making a better beer. From Spuds Mackenzie to the WAZZZZZZUP?! Guys to the Tree Frogs to any number of hilarious ads they have produced over the years, Bud has been the King of Advertising. Which is why I have been so distraught lately. These Drinkability ads are about as good as the product they are selling, which is to say they are not. The premise of these ads is to say that Bud Light has what all those other light beers are missing. Yep, you guessed it, "drinkability". "Drinkability"?! Are you effin kidding me?! There point is that all light beers are not the same, which is, I guess slightly true, but are they trying to imply that Bud Light goes down easier than say, Coors Light? Because I'm pretty sure that is untrue. What they are equating "drinkability" to is how easy it goes down by more or less saying beer is only drinkable if it goes down like water. Which may be true for Joe Nascar Fan, but not for this guy! This guys wants something called "flavorability"! Yes, the ability to have flavor in my mouth, whilst getting drunk. I know it's an "out there" concept, but it could just catch on! But the Budheads idea of "drinkability" is not even the thing making me the most mad! No, it isn't! Keep reading.

You see in these ads, someone will ask for any light beer because, "they all taste the same." This then cues the random dude who has the Zack Morris ability of freezing time to go over the inaccuracy of this statement. Now if this were actually Zack Morris, that would be funny! But I digress. Joe or Josephine Time Freezer proceeds to move through the backyard barbecue, asking us if eating ground beef is the same as eating beef off the ground, or if drinking regular water is the same as drinking birdbath water, or eating a carrot stick is the same as eating a stick, stick. My first question is how do these people get the ability to freeze time, when they clearly didn't even have the ability to do well on the analogy portion of their SATs? Even Zack Morris got a 1502 on his SATs. Okay, I suppose freezing time would be more indicative of their math portion, not their verbal, but anyways. The fact remains that not one of these comparisons is relevant or funny. I mean basically the comparisons would be more like Light Beer in a can is not like licking light beer off the ground. Maybe if they were like, "is eating a hamburger from McDonald's the same as a eating hamburger from Ruby Tuesday's? Is taking a dump at home the same as taking a dump at a gas station? Is poking a bear behind bars at the zoo, the same as poking a bear out in the woods, unprotected?" I don't know if they mean for these to be ironical or something, but what I do know is they do not make me laugh and that is about all I have ever got from the King of Beers. The commercial where there's a creepy hitchhiker with an axe and a twelver of Bud Light, and the guy in the car dismisses his lady friend's comment about not picking him up because he has an axe, with, '"but he's got Bud Light."? That's funny! But it even gets funnier than that. When asked what the axe is for, the stranger's reply is, "To open the Bud Light?" Come on?! You kidding me? I'm giggling just thinking about it! So please Anheuser-Busch, I implore you, stick to what you know, making crappy beer and funny commercials. It's all I ask. And this has been Willie Moe's Brewpoint!